Kid Connections

Work and play

Another hectic week in our household as No. 1 daughter prepares to move in to student accommodation next to where she'll be studying (Glasgow Caledonian University) after just being home from the USA a week ago. 

I've been meeting with lots of people of late ... lead a seminar for Lochaber Presbytery up in the beautiful Fort William on Saturdayand and spoke at this lovely local church on Sunday evening.  Yesterday was full of planning meetings for both the launch of our new Sunday Morning 'Together' services, where the whole church family will spend their morning worshiping together, and for the Growing Leaders - Youth Edition course we launch on 7th Sept.  

I also managed to spend some time with one of our church mums and her beautiful baby daughter.  I love the way mums beam with contentment and seem as though parenthood is the easiest thing in the world.  But I was reminded of how exhausting and isolating those first weeks with a new baby are as I remembered those first months with our youngest after an emergency c-section.  I long for church to be a place that connects with people well - being a friend when someone is lonely or hurting, knowing when someone is absent and taking the time to find out how they are, communicating the deep love and compassion of Jesus in times of need.  We need to work hard at connecting well - particularly with those outwith our immediate groups of friends, pulling in those on the margins to truly feel that they belong.  

So after a long day yesterday I hung out with a number of women in our church and some of their friends at our 'St Silas Women' event - 'How do we do this God thing?'  It was a lovely evening and a chance to relax for a bit and connect with other women.  The title of the women's weekend away 22-25th Oct is 'Connect' so should be good!  I can't go for the whole weekend but hope to make it for some of the time.

This Saturday we have Fischy Music in concert at St Silas!  Can't wait!!  Doors open at 2.30pm and the concert is from 3-4.30pm, tickets £3.  Come and join the fun!

Family

I haven't blogged in ages!!  The summer seems to have come and gone and I don't remember much in terms of holiday time.  We've tried to give the kids some fun days but it's not the same as actually getting away somewhere.  There's something to be said for getting away from emails and ringing phones and simply enjoying playing with the kids.  And now, school starts back today!  S4, P4 and pre-school years begin for 3 of our kids, with our eldest beginning uni in a few weeks too.  All major stages in their lives - and ours!  Our eldest will be home in 1 week after working in the USA for 3 months, then 1 week later will move out into student accomodation.  I'm happy for her but sad at the same time.  I would love to think all my kids could stay at home forever.  Will that change I wonder as I get older?  Letting go is hard but how awesome it is to see our kids grow and flourish.  Family is such a blessings - even though sometimes it can be tiring, frustrating and costly.  But it's so worth it!  How glorious are the gifts of God - each and every one!

So cute!!!

It was a hectic day yesterday with our big party at church and our beautiful no1 daughter heading off to the USA!  She is now in sunny Boston and says it's really warm.  She is enjoying getting to know the folks there - including a girl from Uddingston and a boy from Pollock!  Us Scots get around!!

She's already been to the 'mall' where she saw a little puppy Chihuahua in a pet store window!  She loves little dogs and has been desperate for one for years.  I doubt she'd be able to bring one home though with all the quarantine requirements?  But no3 daughter has already decided that she should bring it home and has called it 'Sasha'.  So ... we may be welcoming a new addition to the family in 3 months!!!

Camp America

Our eldest daughter headed off to the States this morning!  It will be an amazing experience for her, working with children who are either day visitors or boarding at the camp in New Hampshire.  She'll be 6 hours behind us so will most probably be jet lagged tonight!!

Praying she has a safe journey and a wonderful time, but we'll really miss her :( 

Life ...

Life is good.  The kids are great, never ceasing to amaze us.  The boy is now chatting away with wee sentences like, 'that's mine', 'that's dad's pen', 'where's dad'.  The father:son relationship is certainly different to the father:daughter relationship.  Both full of joy and wonder to behold!

The girls are simply a joy.  Eldest daughter heads to the USA in June for a few months working as a kids camp counsellor.  She can't wait, and of course she'll fly out after we've been to the wonderful 'Cherish Conference' in Bradford at the end of this month.  We're counting the days!!! 

Not really planned what we'll do over the summer as finances are tight but we have been blessed with a new car so we're grateful for the Lord's prospering.  Praying for a new Espace now!  Oh how I miss my big car.  Using two cars when the family needs to go anywhere is just not the same :(

Easter fun and worship

It's been a busy few weeks what with prep for Easter and all that's been happening.  I've met with friends, ministers and fellow children's pastor from other churches, Baptist and Charismatic churches in particular; been at a prayer retreat led by a Nigerian Episcopal Priest who's a dear friend of ours, at which a Methodist Minister (colleague of my hubby) was the speaker - and wonderful it was too; been at an alternative worship service at St Andrew's Bo'ness Church of Scotland(called Sanctuary First) with a couple of good friends from both the CofS and Baptist church; been on a reflective walk through the Labyrinth at St Silas Episcopal Church, where I work as Children's Pastor; been at a Good Friday Service at St Andrew's Methodist Church Milton, where my hubby works; took the kids to an Easter Egg Mania fun day complete with egg hunt, games, bouncy castles and praise music hosted by Harvest Fellowship in Hamilton - an AOG  Pentecostal church where some of our friends are involved; had a lovely fellowship evening with the same Pente pals at the home of some of our Evangelical friends who shared what's been happening during Holy Week with their church and other churches in Strathaven; went to our Easter All-age Communion service at St Silas - complete with balloon release!  I missed meeting up with some friends from the Salvation Army this month ... but they were busy training folk! 

I love the whole ecumenical variety and diversity of Church in both my personal and work life!  It's a real blessing although I do find the idea of 'labeling' a bit of an issue.  We are simply followers of Jesus after all, just trying to do the best we can - building community, bringing encouragement and glorifying God! 

The kids have had a good break from school, etc so far and we've manage to reorganise their rooms some what to give them a play room with lots of soft space to rest in too.  But ... we soooooooo need a bigger house with a few extra rooms - basic spec would be lounge, family/play room, 3 double and 2 single bedrooms, study, dinning room, dining kitchen, utility room, and 2 bathrooms is what's needed to help ease both family and work requirements!  If anyone is giving any away then we'd put it to good use.  Well ... anything's possible! 

Life is good ...

So I've eventually been to the dentist and had treatment, which has relieved the pain I was having!  It's so debilitating when you are in pain.  You can't really concentrate on much else, so I'm thankful it's now easing.

I have such a busy week ahead but one that's full of refreshing times too, so I'm looking forward to what's to come.  Last week I had a wonderful weekend with a meal out on Friday with a dear friend in a lovely Italian restaurant in Kirkie, and then our regular fortnightly get together with friends on Saturday, which was spent mostly in catching up and prayer.  This Saturday I'm leading a workshop on exploring spirituality and faith in children, and then in the evening we are having a meal with several friends ... so lots of fellowship and food. 

I took our girls to see Hotel for Dogs last week too - and it was a great family movie.  The wee girls thought it was hilarious!  Haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire yet but although it has wonderful reviews I don't think I'd enjoy it much (with all the terrible things that happen to the kids) so I might just wait until it's on Sky ... that way I can switch it off if I don't like it!  Lots of chick flicks out at the moment so I'll hopefully get a chance to go and see something funny next week with the older girls.    

Our kids are such a delight at the moment.  The boy, in his usual manner, is trying to rearrange everything constantly, which keeps us all on our toes, and the wee girls are just keen to spend time with us and chat about all that's going on at school, etc.  They are so easy compared to the wee lad!  He's for ever climbing and exploring so we try to get him out to the park for an hour in the mornings when the girls go to nursery and school - that way he can climb on whatever he likes and we don't need to worry about him destroying the furniture!!

New year and back to normal again ...

So it's back to normal with kids back at school tomorrow, hubby back to studies and me back to work.  The holidays have flown by - can't quite remember much of Christmas except the constant cooking and tidying up! 

I've been thinking today about all those new year resolutions that folk make ... those which last between a day and a week (like mine!!!) and those which many strong minded souls manage to keep to for much longer.  In truth, there's many new year's resolutions I could make but to be honest I think they need to be weighed up on the scale of relevance and importance!?!?!  All that really matter are those that help me spend more quality time with the family!  Everything else is way down the priority list.  I'm looking forward to having a wee bit of time to myself tomorrow to catch up on things that I haven't quite had the time to do over the holidays, but I think I'll really miss everyone whilst they are out at their respective places of work and learning - the house will be quiet without them. 

Family Celebrations

My sister had a baby daughter yesterday - Eloise Lori-Anne Jane (a combination of the names of her mum, aunties and grans) and she is gorgeous!  She is very like our No4 daughter with a cute wee face and dark curly hair.  It was lovely to have a cuddle and I am looking forward to spending more time with her.  Aren't babies simply adorable!  My mum now has 10 grandchildren and Eloise is my second neice.  As the family celebrate our newest addition, we also celebrate the 21st birthday of the oldest of my 3 nephews!  Gosh ... how time flies, it doesn't seem that long ago that I was visiting the maternity hospital to meet him!! 

Friends ...

Had a great day yesterday catching up with some dear friends.  My friend Joan from our church, who moved to Edinburgh a couple years ago, traveled through to come to our Tots & Co Thursday morning group and then we spent the afternoon together.  It was wonderful and we spent a couple of hours running round after our toddlers! 

We had 6 new mums/dads and babies at Tots yesterday ... which means we are probably going to be full by Christmas!  Our heating was not working properly so it was a bit cold in our hall - I didn't feel it as I was moving around too much but with all going on I don't think the children were at all bothered.  We had lovely harvest treats too, which made it an extra nice morning. 

My dear friend Cathy also popped in to Tots for a brief visit, on route to have lunch with her auntie.  It was great to see her.  I love hearing how she is getting on in her job down south - it sounds exhausting ... but she seems to be thriving on it.  She is far more energetic than I am and I am embarrassed to say that I cycle in a year what she does in a day!  But ... we don't really have the weather for cycling (well that's my excuse anyway!!!).  I miss her not being around.  As a colleague she was a constant source of encouragement and wisdom and as a friend I am grateful for her ongoing prayer and pastoral support.  She is one of the few people who I trust implicitly to speak in to my life.      

And last night I went to visit my handsome Godson ... how gorgeous is he???   My two youngest were with me and hubby was meeting with another local minister who lives near by so it was great to spend some time and watch the three of them playing together.  They are all at a very funny stage our boy was trying to climb on everything as usual! 

Birthday Celebrations

No 1 daughter celebrated her 19th birthday this weekend ... do I feel old or what!?!

The Women

I went to see the movie The Women last night with No. 1 daughter.  It was funny and enjoyable but I have to say the themes that run through it and the focus of some of the points being made ruined what could have been a very good film.  The actors were extremely good and really made the film worth watching but it was not a movie that I will remember ... unlike my first viewing of Rush Hour 3 when I was 8 months pregnant with the boy!  I laughed so much, and was well aware I was enjoying one of the last nights of baby free time with hubby for a while, that made the film even more funny.  I think I had some black cherry and dark chocolate ice cream too! 

It's No 1 daughter's birthday this week so going to see the movie last night was a good excuse for some mum and daughter time,but we are off to Stirling for the day on Saturday in preparation for the National Children's Assembly in Aviemore in a few weeks so that will be good.  Looking forward to it! 

Reflecting

I've had a busy few weeks so haven't blogged in a while.  I've been struck over the last few weeks again by the paradoxical world of children's ministry.  We move from dealing with hugely emotional and painful issues, like the death of a child or our response to injustice or the abuse of children, to finger painting and autumn pictures!  And it's the same with adult ministries too.  We can pour so much time and energy into making one aspect of a ministry really look excellent and have lots of people engage with it, and yet I somehow find it all a bit unreal when there is so much pain, hurt, loneliness and uncertainty all around us - from our next door neighbour to lands of despair and destruction miles across the world.  I some times feel locked in, what I call, the 'frills of ministry, where the practical everyday necessities of particular aspects of kids ministry takes up all our time and energy.  I suppose, since I've led a fair bit of training over the last few weeks, that the 'greater' issues are playing heavily on my mind, and I am reflecting on our 'appropriate' responses to the situations we find ourselves in or that we purposefully prepare ourselves to engage with.

For me, I suppose I am concerned that for many they see the primary task of our work with children being what happens on a Sunday ... but I believe that our biblical mandate is far greater.  We can't afford to be blinkered.  To survey what we do and assume it is good is not acceptable.  We need to survey our calling and question the 'why' primarily if we are to seriously make appropriate efforts to respond proactively. 

There is much on my mind at the moment and I am feeling drawn into the depths of my theological thinking and reflection ... is this a good thing?  Yes, from a spiritual point of view - but I've shed more than a few tears at the burden I feel for the ministry God has placed on my heart.  I have been so grateful, as I've reflected recently, that God has filled my life with all that is precious to me - my husband and my children!  They are what fills my heart with joy and a constant reminder of how marvelous God is.  Whether we have all that we need in the material sense is irrelevant compared to God's immeasurable gift of our family.   

Yesterday, while hubby spent his first day at college, I took my youngest two to visit my Godson and his mum and dad for lunch.  They have lots of stairs in their house so they spent most of the time walking, climbing and running up and down them ... in between drinking juice and trampling crisps into the carpet!  We enjoyed watching them have fun together and I really thank God for those quieter moments when we can stop for a while and really take in the joy of our own children. 

Now, some final plans for Sunday to make sure all is well covered and some preparations for a long weekend off with the family!

Happy 1st Birthday

So our boy celebrated his first birthday yesterday.  He was given a lovely bear with its very own Man Utd strip, complete with cap, sweat bands and football boots.  But I think the boy was confused about who was getting to wear the strip ...

and he definately wasn't giving up the cap!! 

Ends and Beginnings

Ends ... As school holidays draw to an end (- won't say summer holidays as I think we moved from spring to autumn without the nice warm bit in the middle!?! -) I can't quite believe it's over!  We've not done very much as the weather has only allowed the kids to play in the garden or go to the park a few times.  Hubby had to work most of the holidays as he finished his job in preparation for new things.  But I'm having a few weeks off, spending time with the kids before they start back and spending some time with hubby once they are back!

Beginnings ... several new babies have been born to church families over the summer - how lovely ... and does it make me broody?!?  No 4 daughter begins nursery and although she's really psyched about the whole thing I'm a tad nervous.  It seems not that long ago that we had to leave No 3 daughter at the nursery door ... and they just feel too precious to leave in the care of others!!!  Will they who care for and educate our children love and respect them the way we do?  Will they affirm and nurture them in a way that builds confidence and self-esteem?  I don't know and I certainly don't have the opportunity to be with them checking up on how they are being treated every day ... so I'm wondering how the parents in our church feel about leaving their children in the care of volunteer children's workers during services on Sundays!  I'm concerned from what I see and read of in some churches, that parents are purposefully excluded from 'children's activities'!  So - good children's ministry on Sundays must:-

1. Facilitate parents and children - particularly creating space for parents of young children to be together, and if that means worshiping, learning and having fellowship together with other young children and parents then that's what should be on offer.  There's far too much of a divide when we think about how we do church on Sundays!
2. Offer children the opportunity to 'opt in' to children's activities rather than be forced to participate in something where their parents are not permitted!  Sometimes the practicalities of space in our church means that we can't accommodate all the children in one group with a parent too!  Not ideal but one of these things where by we need to see the practical situation as being a problem and not simply the model of what is being strived for.
3. Offer parents the opportunity to 'opt in' to activities with children if they want to.  How many of us have gone to visit another church or have gone searching for a new church and had to leave our children with people we didn't know in a place that's unfamiliar???  It seems to be accepted in church circles that we should just trust the folk who are in the children's areas.  This should be a good thing - since we expect our churches to have the highest standards of care as they serve with passion and compassion to the glory of God,  but I have to say I'm really uncomfortable with a model that says we do church by separating the children from their parents ... actually, do you know what?, it's absolutely NOT a biblical model and I'm pretty fed up settling for what has gone before us.

The church should be able to analyse, plan, organise, develop, deliver and evaluate how and why it 'does' what it does much faster than it does in reality - which is usually a very long time.  It should be able to take action at a rate that is reasonable, identifying and responding to need (both proactively as well as reactively!!!) and implementing change to address those needs rather than dragging it's heels and living with the 'it's how we've always done it' mentality!  Some churches think they are cutting edge if they sing lively songs, have nice comfy chairs and have lots of visual stuff in their services ... but are they actually meeting the spiritual and practical needs of the families who attend?  Please ... think about how you are helping families grow in faith together!   

Men and multitasking

I like to change my screensaver and background picture quite often.  This is what I'm using at the moment:

It makes me smile :)  - A picture of hubby 'multitasking' with lots that symbolises much about him!  Sporting his favourite Man Utd shirt (fairly keen Man U fan!) and cross (very keen Christ follower!!), whilst working (he's probably either updating the SEC Football League Div 2 results or blogging!), and relaxing with the boy (hence the comfy dressing gown as chilling with the family is his favourite pastime!!).  I think living with so many females has enabled him to operate on a whole new level!!!

When creation plays God...

I was disappointed that there was no change to the abortion law yesterday.  There are many view points within the debate on what is or isn't right.  One point, from the 'keep to 24 weeks' camp is the following (see more here): 

"Studies, including one published in the British Medical Journal this month, show that while survival rates have increased significantly for babies born at 24 and 25 weeks, they have not risen for babies born 23 weeks or less. Very few terminations take place at this stage of pregnancy, but those in favour of keeping the limit as it is say that it is often the 20 week scan which reveals severe abnormalities."

How sad it is that the new life that has grown to 20 weeks inside a mother's womb seems to been viewed by some to have such insignificant value that it can be destroyed and disposed of like unwanted waste because 'abnormalities' might be apparent?  We all have some kind of abnormality!!  Whilst some babies might have no chance of survival or a 'limited' quality of life (and I say limited based on how others measure quality of life), what about the existing relationships and bonds that have already developed between the child and mother??  How much can we trust the opinions of  medics based on data from machines?

At 6 and a half weeks into my 3rd pregnancy I had a bleed and was told, after a scan, that there seemed to be no development of the baby.  I went back for a second scan a week later and the result was the same.  After a 3rd scan after another week, I was told that the pregnancy wasn't continuing and was advised to have a D&C to remove the 'empty' pregnancy sac.  I was devastated as this wasn't a planned pregnancy and we felt truly blessed to be having another baby.  I declined the op, for fear that they might be wrong!  That night, a friend turned up at our house with a word from the Lord and told us to believe in faith for our unborn child.  We thought that either he was off his head or that had really had heard from God.  My husband felt that it was a message from God and so we waited in faith, as I continued to be very sick.  We had many phone calls from well meaning medical staff in the weeks that followed asking how I was and if I had miscarried yet!?!  Hubby thanked them for their concern but told them our faith was in God.  They must have thought we were mad!  At 12 weeks, and having not actually miscarried, my doctor asked me to go back for another scan as I was still being violently sick and was dangerously dehydrated.  A wonderful Christian midwife was there to greet us and she did the scan.  My husband and mum were with me an we all watched the monitor as the mindwife took great delight in pointing our how our 12 week old baby was developing well!!  Doctors were very confused ...!!! 

At 22 weeks into my pregnancy with our beautiful son (who is 9 months today!), we had a scan to see how the baby was growing (as I was being monitored for gestational diabetes).  We were told that 2 problems had been identified that indicated that there could be something, possibly terminal, wrong with our baby.  We were advised to have an amnio test (which carries a small chance of miscarriage) but declined.  The consultant stressed that the condition of our baby could be severe, and we were asked again to think about having the test.  It seemed as though we were talking in tongues or something as we were saying that regardless of what might be wrong with our baby we weren't prepared to take the chance of miscarriage!  Being told there was something wrong wouldn't have made us terminate so it was absolutely pointless in finding out earlier if there was something wrong!  We left the room and as we walked along the corridor my husband looked at me and said, "There's nothing wrong, I know there's nothing wrong and these people are deceived".  As the weeks went on in my pregnancy it became obvious from further scans at 28 and 32 weeks that whatever the problems had been they had seemed to have gone!  Our son was born absolutely perfect!

Praise God for His goodness!!!

Remembering

A bit of a sad blog today.  This is the 4th anniversary of when we lost our tiny son Dylan at just 20 weeks into my 4th pregnancy.  I think it's right to remember and to feel sad ... for what we went through and for who we lost.  However, in knowing our child is experiencing something not restricted to the temporal life on earth, it makes our sadness seem rather selfish.  I do look at our baby boy, who is nearly 9 months now, and know the reality of what I lost so much more.  I feel sad that I missed seeing my other son grow and develop - his smile, his laugh, his character quirks, his cuddles ... but I am so aware that if he had survived we wouldn't have our 4th daughter and she is such a blessing to us.  If I hadn't miscarried at 12 weeks with my 6th pregnancy we wouldn't have our beautiful son who brings so much joy to us all.  We named both the children that we lost and I think it's right to remember them, for who they are - even though they are not here with us - but it's right to remember too that whilst there has been much grief in our loss there has been much joy in what we have been given.  All these events and experiences make us who we are - as a wife and a husband, as a mum and a dad, as unique people who God ministers to and transforms as we share the experiences together. 

Life happens.  Sometimes it's happy and sometimes it's sad but at all times God is with us and offers peace and hope regardless of our circumstances.  Nothing is impossible for God and nothing is impossible with God.  Blessed be His name!

Bank Holiday Monday

A great bank holiday today with lots of sunny weather and outdoors stuff to keep the whole family happy.

+ve EK shopping Centre was fairly empty today, as was the car park.

- ve Calderglen Country Park was mobbed, as was car park!   

A great day though - lots of fun with the kids playing footie in the park after a lovely picnic. 

Hamster Heaven

It's been a stressful day in our house!  No. 4 daughter wanted desperately to play with No. 1 daughter's hamster, 'Larson'!  Being only 2 years old she doesn't quite understand how delicate little creatures are and in a bid to 'give him a hug' without asking if she was allowed, she traumatised him and he sadly went to hamster heaven this afternoon.  There was some stern words and No. 4 daughter doesn't really understand why her older sister is so angry and upset with her and thinks poor wee Larson is sleeping!  No. 3 daughter who is 6 years old was very quick to ask if there is a heaven for hamsters as soon as we told her of Larson's passing.  "Absolutely", we said.  She went to look at him in his cage and said, "Yep, he's dead.  He's flat as a pancake!"  She shed no tears, unlike her very tearful older sister, and is quite content in the fact that he's in a nice place.