Kid Connections

Finding the Spiritual in Chaos

There's a book I stumbled upon recently called "In the Midst of Chaos: Caring for Children as Spiritual Practice", which 'reveals what it takes to find the spiritual wisdom in the messy, familial ways of living'.  I just love the title of this book and hope to find the time in my chaotic life to read it soon!!!

Sometimes parenting can be seen as dull and dreary, full of interrupted days with endless cries of 'mum can I get...', 'dad I want...', 'mum I need...', etc.  It can be hectic and for many parents the time seems to whiz by and you can be left to feel that even though you never stop you don't get very far!  I think there is something so precious, and so innately spiritual in all that chaos that if we don't take the time to notice we will miss it!  Relationality is spirituality!  Coping with all the mess, joy and struggles of life is spiritual practice.  Our children are intensely spiritual and so often we run the risk of missing that if we don't know what we're looking for. 

In those chaos filled days, stop and notice those wonderful moments ... there will be many that will touch your heart and make you smile.

Children - dealing with naughty behaviour!

As part of our child protection training evening a few weeks ago, we briefly touched on the issue of smacking children.  There is a new parenting report, published by the Centre for Research on Families and Relationships (CRFR) at the University of Edinburgh, and according to their research, four out of five parents think smacking their children is neither useful nor effective.  The report is an analysis of data from the Growing Up in Scotland (GUS) study and comes only weeks after MPs voted against enforcing a UK-wide smacking ban. 

What the experts say...
You can read more here but some interesting points about dealing with naughty behaviour of children, according to expert Margaret McAllister, a child psychologist, are: 

If you remove treats: "You have to be consistent.  It's important not to set up a challenge. If you say, 'Don't do that again, or you can't go to the park', you have to stick to it. You cannot make idle threats. Parents have to be sure they will follow through every time."

Time out or naughty step: "You have to keep repeating it until the child fits in with what you are asking.  It can be quite effective, but you need to be careful to use it sparingly, otherwise it loses its value.  It's only appropriate if the behaviour is really bad, like a tantrum or biting."

Smacking: "Smacking loses its effect by the time a child is about six or seven.  Parents who get into the habit of smacking do it all the time.  The child does not differentiate then between what is really naughty and what's not too serious.  I think everyone should strive not to smack."

Reward system or sticker chart: "Using a reward system or sticker chart is good.  When a child builds up ten stickers, for example, they can get a treat.  You can discuss with the child what they would like to do, so they're engaged.  The aim is to help the longer-term behaviour.  If you do this for three days then they get a treat, and you can extend the interval to a week with bigger treats at the end."